Let's talk about my romantic relationships. I've placed myself in situations where I get taken for granted, ghosted, and, as a result, my mental health suffers. After these dates, I feel a strong sense of unworthiness, unwantedness, and a touch of low self-esteem.
Are my exes bad? Maybe. But does that mean they'd treat the next woman the same way? Not entirely true. Does the recurring pattern have anything to do with me? Absolutely! I didn't think critically; I just wanted to be in love. I wanted to be the best they'd ever had, the one they'd talk about and couldn't get over.
Communication is key. Communicate how you feel effectively, and listen while others talk – the whole issue doesn't revolve around you. Remember, it takes two to tangle.
While we blame our exes for the drama, they're not entirely at fault, as we often depend fully on them. Codependency – the excessive reliance on them for emotional validation, manipulation, unhealthy patterns, loss of self in the pursuit of love, and control mechanism - not having a life outside them and not being able to make simple decisions without them. Would you like dating someone with no sense of self? I personally wouldn’t have dated myself then; I was always the victim, the one who wanted her whole existence figured out with her. I realized I wasn’t in a relationship for the best reasons; I was too young and didn’t even have a sense of who I really was or what a good relationship should be like. I was always involved in toxicity, and being in a relationship was just me wanting to prove a point.
Just like me, most of us approach relationships for the wrong reasons. My friends are in one, citing reasons like "he's the hottest guy in town" - other wrong reasons. This is real life; challenges are part of the exciting part. Not knowing what's next and not having it all figured out is fine.
To become who you really want to be in your relationships, you have to acknowledge your wrongs, figure out what you've been doing wrong, prioritize yourself, and heal. Healing might involve connecting with your inner self, becoming the small girl you were years back, and forgiving the wrongs done to you - perhaps from childhood trauma or a sense of unworthiness rooted in your subconscious. Healing isn’t a one-day thing; for some, it takes weeks, others months. Take it one step at a time, and sweetheart, you've got this.
No one can write your story better than you; no one knows what you've been through, but I know you can do better. You can change the whole concept of your relationship and be the big deal while maintaining a purpose-filled relationship. Have a sense of accomplishment, be focused, identify what you want, and don't settle for what isn't it. Read books, research people you'd like to be like, and learn from them. Have a direction and don't follow the crowd.
I’d like to promote interdependency - this relationship isn’t toxic because it's balanced. It lifts each other up and fosters growth and collaboration. Everyone has a sense of self with the other; it's the kind of love that blossoms. Darlings, heal, don't expect you in other's and I assure you, you won't trade your self-respect for anything - not for friends, family, relationships, money, gold, or silver.
#INNERPEACE
